Last week, Shannon posted a “Parenting Advice” Works-For-Me-Wednesday carnival. I had so many ideas, I decided to post again on that topic!

I have found that we get better obedience and less tantrums if we let our little girl know when the end of a good thing is coming – and when the start of a bad thing is around the corner.

Example of “Last One”: Olivia loves dried apricots. I give her three. She eats them, comes back, requests, “More?”. I give her three again. “More?” It’s getting close to dinner time, so this time, when I give the apricots, I say, “Last ones.” She knows there are no more coming. This is accepted much better than having her come back expecting more and receiving the shock of a flat, “No.” She wouldn’t undertand. Last time she asked for more, she got it. What is she doing wrong? Maybe crying and screaming would help… Get the picture? It’s just an open invition for an all-out fit. Not that she doesn’t try to come back and ask for more. But when she receives the “No, those were your last ones, remember?” it is expected. If there is a fit, it is less intense and much shorter. Also, you are building your dependability as a parent. You said “Last one” and you were right!

Example of Counting to Five: Olivia is playing happily with her tea set. It is approaching naptime. If I were to go up to her and surprise her with, “Okay, it’s naptime, let’s clean up!” it wouldn’t go over well. Just like if I were blogging and my husband comes up to me and says, “Okay, it’s time for bed, here’s a fussy baby!” I wouldn’t like it. I need some time to wrap up what I’m doing! And Olivia needs her time to mentally prepare for playtime to be over. So, about five minutes before naptime, I say, “It’s going to be naptime pretty soon, okay?” And then when it’s time to clean up, I say, “Okay, Baby, five more seconds of play, and then naptime. One… Two… Three… Four… Five. Let’s go!” It’s amazing to see how much play she can squeeze into those last five seconds. And just like with “Last one,” there isn’t always going to be cheerful compliance. But if you show that you are reliable, and playtime always ends when you say it will end, then she will come to expect that from you. It also helps to tell her when she will be able to play again. “After nap, you can get this out again, okay?” I am amazed with how much of this my two-year-old understands.

We also use Counting to Five when we want her to obey and she doesn’t feel like it. For example: Say she’s standing in the kitchen with the refrigerater door open. Not only does this overwork the fridge motor, drive the electric bill up, and make the food warm, but it blocks the way from the kitchen to the living room. Very inconvenient. I tell her to close the door, and she just looks at me. I say, “I’m going to count to five, and then [insert action] if you don’t obey.” For us, sometimes that action is simply shutting the door ourselves. Sometimes it is a timeout in her room. If it’s been an especially trying day, it might include a spanking. It all depends on what we feel she needs to learn obedience at that time. That period of time when we count to five gives her the opportunity to choose for herself what she wants. It gives her time to think about the consequences. It even gives her time to “disobey,” all the way from “one” to “four.” And with her stubborn streak strong will, I think it may actually help to have that “disobedience” time. Most times, at five, she’ll quickly obey. Maybe with a cry. Maybe not. Again, though, it is important that at the count of five, you come through with your promised action if she continues to disobey. Counting to five means nothing if she can’t count on you to hold up your end of the deal.

This is probably old news to most, but I just wanted to impress on you how young the child can be and still grasp this concept!

Head over to Rocks In My Dryer for more tips (and they’re not all parenting tips!)