The Natural Mommy

Going? What kind of word is that?

Going.

Going. Boing.

My mind is Going.

And that about sums it up.

Benjamin is starting to get better during the night. He is waking up at 5 or 6 pretty regularly, and then wanting to nurse. Sometimes I tell him no, there’s no sun yet. Sometimes I pretend that yes, oh, there’s the sun, right there, you’re right.

Naptimes are getting very difficult with him. He hasn’t had a morning nap since dinosaurs roamed the earth, I’m pretty sure. And I KNOW he needs an afternoon nap. But he keeps himself from falling completely asleep and wakes as soon as I put him down. He wants to sleep for three hours in the afternoon, but only if I hold and nurse him.

I fear this is backlash from the night weaning.

Pick mommy, you can have your sleep at night, or your productive time during the day. But not both.

Yesterday, I put aside the work that needed to be done and catered to him. Today, I simply couldn’t. I had calls to make before the business day was done. Otherwise, we would have been sitting in a hot, dark duplex without internet next week, and I wouldn’t even be able to blog to tell you about it.

(In case you’re not up-to-speed with The Natural Mommy News, I was setting up utilities for our duplex we’re moving into on Saturday…)

And those calls took FOREVER. They didn’t know my children were on nap-strike and screaming in their bedrooms. They continued to transfer me, literally, all around the world.

One lady typed, I promise, one over-long acrylic fingernail at a time to enter my name, address, phone number (which she asked for TWICE.)

And don’t get me started on the Indian gentlemen who transfered me to a recording that told me to hang up and call back when the lines were less busy.

Those calls took from 3:15 to 5:00. And although Olivia eventually fell asleep, Benjamin would not. He stood in there, screaming the entire time.

I ask you, people, what do you do?! with a boy like that.

Around 5:30, when supper needed to be at least thought about, I remembered I had a moby wrap and faintly recalled that it could carry a baby backpack-style. I thought, hey! I could bend over, unload dishes, cook dinner, cut up vegetables, take clothes off the line… no little hands getting in the way, burnt, or cut…

So I looked it up, and was even successfully able to imitate it on the third or forth try.

I guess I could always just do that when he refuses to sleep at naptimes.

But I’d rather he learn to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

And to top it all off, maintenance replaced our bathroom faucet the other day.  AND NOW BOTH KNOBS TURN THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE WAY.  So I can’t even turn on water without going a little bit crazy.

And that’s what’s on my mind.

My mind which is going.

Going.

Boing.

Filed under: The Mommy, The News on July 23rd, 2008 | 9 Comments »

Happy 234th Birthday, Honey!
(We go all out for birthdays. We get dressed up, I serve a divine cake that isn’t falling apart at all, and we go out and buy brand-spankin’ new candles. We would never combine the candles from our 23rd and 24th birthdays so that their sum might, if you tilted your head and squinted your eyes, equal 27.)

Speaking of being cheap, we totally dressed up as cows for Cow Appreciation Day.

And by “dressed up” I mean, “found a printable cow costume on the internet and taped it to ourselves.”

Four free meals at Chick Fil-A. Yeah, baby.

Look at that cute little tail.

And now for a segment I would like to call:

The Many Faces of Benjamin.

The Sleeping Face, (and also!) The Eating Face.

This boy likes his Whole Wheat Squares so much, he will continue to eat them even after he has fallen asleep.

The Scowling Face.

This is the face I got when I woke up on the Fourth of July.

I’m not sure why he was giving it to me at this particular time. Possibly because I had the audacity to stop feeding him smoothie so I could get a picture of his cute blueberry mustache.

The Concentration Face.

Note the tongue. He gets that from his daddy. Who got it from Michael Jordan, I’m pretty sure.

The Ooh Ooh, I’m Doing Something Bad Face.

He could hardly believe his luck when he woke up from his nap and saw we had built a mountain of boxes in the living room JUST FOR HIM.

Have I mentioned we’re moving this Saturday? Remember the duplex? Ahh, yes, I can see it’s coming back to you now.

I was up until obscene hours of the night yesterday, perfecting this little floorplan of our new place.

I did it ALL MYSELF. Using only MICROSOFT PAINT.

I am so very proud of myself. I plan on printing it out and giving copies to the friends helping us move.

Speaking of obscene hours of the night…

(It is now 12:53am.)

I must draw to a close here.

Get it??

(I am ashamed.)

Add your [family friendly] pictures here:

Filed under: Meet-and-Greet-Mondays on July 21st, 2008 | 8 Comments »

It doesn’t hurt like a fresh wound. It’s bothersome like a scab.

It was a fresh wound on Monday. It was real. And I cried. But now it’s more like a scab.

It gets brushed. Like when I slid into bed last Wednesday night and remembered how I had rested my hand upon my abdomen endearingly the night before.

Sometimes I sit and pick it. Like when I write these posts.

For the most part, it’s just there and I only notice it if I look for it.

I feel watched over, prayed for, lifted up, and a little sad.

But mostly, distracted.

When I called my mom to tell her, she gasped and explained to me how this had happened to her as well, before my older brother was born. She said she coped by burying herself in her work.

It’s really easy to bury myself in my work. In fact, my work climbs up on my lap and buries me voluntarily. My work cries and whines and laughs and giggles and plays and cuddles.

I love my work. And I feel grateful.

It’s been a week, and I feel normal. I feel ready to move on.

I feel confident in God’s plan for my life.

Filed under: The Miscarriage, The Mommy on July 18th, 2008 | 10 Comments »

Irony: an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.

Coincidence: a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance.

Providence: God, esp. when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence.

************

We agreed: we disagreed. But we had to come to the same conclusion, soon. I was three days away from my second trimester and had yet to start prenatal care. I showed Josh a study proving homebirths to be as safe as hospital births. We went over all the possible outcomes. Pros. Cons. What-if’s. Therefore’s.

Our options were:

• Hospital birth locally, with a doctor, in an environment not the friendliest to naturally birthing mothers
• Hospital birth over an hour away, with a midwife, in a hospital geared more towards the preferences of the laboring mother. (We would stay my last month in an apartment in that city.)
• Home birth with a midwife 20 minutes from the nearest hospital.

Josh couldn’t shake the fear of the unknown. What if I needed a C-section? An emergency C-section? Even though he knew that my doctor and the operating team would have to drive to the hospital just as we would, and therefore the time that elapsed before surgery would not be any longer, he couldn’t shake the fear.

The certified nurse midwife would come equipped with everything an ambulance would, but he couldn’t shake the fear.

The possibility of being pressured into unnecessary and unsafe interventions were higher in the hospital, but he couldn’t shake the fear.

After reading stories and studies, I was more sure. But he couldn’t shake the fear.

Really, the only conclusion we reached that night was that driving to the appointments in a city over an hour away significantly increased our risks of an automobile accident; quite possibly so that they were higher than that of a complicated labor.

So we prayed.

Specifically, we prayed either for peace in his heart or fear in mine. Please, God, if a home birth would be safest, please put peace in Josh’s heart. And if a hospital birth would be safest, put fear in mine towards homebirth. Lord, You know the outcome of this pregnancy. You know how it will end. Please help us make the choice that is best for this baby.

And, God, give us the answer by tomorrow morning.

***********

As we were brushing our teeth, after the prayer, I finally confessed something to Josh that I had never spoken out loud. I had fear, but not towards homebirth. I had fear that this pregnancy would not last.

I had not been feeling any differently than I had been with my previous two pregnancies. No morning sickness. No cravings. No weight gain. It is normal for my body to not even register a pregnancy until the baby kicks.

But I felt that a miscarriage was so possible. And I felt that God had been preparing my heart for that possibility.

Because if you were to ask me to name my two closest friends, I would have listed her. And her. They are the ones I talk to and they are the ones I go to. And both, within the past year, have had miscarriages.

The last thing I said before I went to bed: I am afraid of losing my baby.

The last thing I thought before I went to bed: I don’t want a miscarriage. I’m not ready for a miscarriage. But I know that I wouldn’t be the first, I wouldn’t be the last, and I wouldn’t be alone.

Eight hours later I knew just who to call.

**********

I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t expecting it.

But when I woke and it was happening, I knew it wasn’t mere chance.

And after reflecting on these events for the past week, I still don’t understand why. But I know now my benevolent, omniscient God had directed them so that they couldn’t have happened in a better order, time, or place.

Filed under: The God, The Miscarriage on July 18th, 2008 | 7 Comments »

Not on Wednesday, when I knew something was going wrong.

Not on Thursday, my day in waiting.

Not on Friday, when the blood tests showed the future.

A bit on Saturday, the contractions hurt so badly.

Not on Sunday, the day after it was over.

I cried on Monday.

Alone in the ultrasound room, looking at an empty womb, I prayed that God would hold me tight.

You always cry harder when someone is holding you tight.

Filed under: The Miscarriage, The Mommy on July 14th, 2008 | 24 Comments »

I held out hope when the bleeding started.

I reassured myself when I made the appointment.

I smiled comfortably while I wrapped the sheet around me and climbed up on the table.

But when the small talk faded into silence, I knew.

There was no labeling of baby parts. There was no recording of a heart beat.

There was no baby.

And yet, I still had peace.

The presence of God was leaning on me.

He was standing on a chair on my left side.

He put her blonde head on my chest, looked up at me with those deep brown eyes, and smiled so lovingly as He said, “I wuv you, Mommy.”

And I thank Him for that.

Filed under: The God, The Miscarriage, The Mommy on July 10th, 2008 | 46 Comments »

So this is what the Fourth of July looked like at our house:

Benjamin:  Didn’t sleep well due to his fever, so Josh offered to take him so I could get a bit more sleep.  When I finally rolled out of bed, I was looking forward to my usual open-armed-running-hug I usually get from my baby.  Instead?!  He scowls at me, turns, and runs AWAY from me.

That is the first time that has EVER happened.

I chased him for a bit, but he wasn’t kidding.

Thankfully, that fit of independence didn’t last long.  He hasn’t done it since.  Let’s blame it on the fever, shall we?

Olivia: Josh was wearing blue, Benjamin was wearing blue, I was wearing red, I though it would be adorable if Olivia would wear white.  Even better - a dark blue jean jumper, trimmed in red, with a white shirt underneath.

But no.

“I wanna wear PINK, Mommy!”

::Sigh::

So, Josh wore blue, Benjamin wore blue, I wore red, and Olivia wore pink.  And not just any sensible pink dress, either.  She insisted on this polyester thing which is famous for its impenetrable force field against all things sweaty, so that the sweat has no choice but to simply drip cascade down your body.  On the Fourth of July.

Happy Independence Day to you, too, children.

Filed under: The Benjamin, The Mommy, The Olivia on July 8th, 2008 | No Comments »

Well, Olivia’s yelling at me to “COME ON MOMMY, LET’S BUILD A HOUSE REALLY QUICK!!!” so I better make this as brief as possible.

We went to the park on the 3rd to celebrate Olivia’s third birthday with Josh’s family, who had come up for the occasion.

Josh’s dad promptly got himself stuck in the tunnel slide.

Have I ever told you guys about the titanium rods he had surgically placed in his back? Yeah, yeah, long story short, he can’t do things like this anymore.

Josh, however, still has much back flexibility, as proven here by his dare-devil back-flip.

I’m so impressed with you, honey.

Benjamin wasn’t feeling well at all this day, in order to get him to look up, I had to pretend I saw a puppy. (”Foof! Foof!”)

Hmm, now what do you think Gammy’s looking at?

At her beautiful grandchildren, of course!

Yeah, so Benjamin had a fever of about 103 that day. Poor boy. Kept scowling all day. Actually, this shot reminded me a bit of Blue Steel.

This look, however, was just plain misery.

Maybe The Cake will cheer him up! Oi, that cake used to be a lot prettier… before Olivia picked up the cake carrier and turned it sideways, that is…

Close up of the collateral damage.

“How old are you today, Olivia?”

Look how nice and clean they are…

He’s smiling on the inside. Promise.

Presents! Note the ecstatic look of excitement on her face. Or lack there-of. Yeah, she gets her emotional tendencies from her father.

But she did love it. Don’t you be fooled. It’s all she wants to do anymore. “Let’s build houses, Mommy!”

She also loves her medical kit (or should I say Me-DIKE-al kit, Melissa?) despite that look on her face.

And these are our Fourth of July pictures. What better way to celebrate our independence than to scale the balcony of our apartment? Um, yeah.

Ready for fireworks!

Benjamin’s fever was gone. And he was feisty.

Olivia was a fireball, too, that night. Here she is, mid-slap, with her Aunt Sassa.

“I WUV YOU! DON’T EVER GO BACK TO AUSTRALIA! EVER EVER EVER!”
(She really said that… honest… ;-))

Passed out, angelic, on the ride home from the fireworks.

NOW, to go play HOUSES!

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To participate in Meet-and-Greet Monday: Post pictures of someone you’d like to us to “meet” on your blog. It doesn’t have to be someone new each week (obviously - I post of the same two people each week). The idea is that someone new from the blogosphere will happen upon this site each Monday and we can “introduce” ourselves to them. Because this is a friendly place. Also, this is a great excuse to post pictures for the Grandmas.

Just make sure you are linking to your Meet-and-Greet post - NOT your homepage. It just makes life easier that way. Then put a link in your post back to here so that your readers can “meet” someone new today, too! And as always, thanks for keeping it family friendly

Filed under: Meet-and-Greet-Mondays on July 7th, 2008 | 3 Comments »

I’ve decided to drop the “themed” and “organized” approach to the Recipe Swap for this week. Perhaps this shall be the new norm, and every now and then we’ll have a theme. Your thoughts?

I found a new recipe last week for chicken pot pie; it was my first attempt, and it went over WELL. The crust was so tender and flaky, the filling was rich and creamy, and the vegetables were the perfect consistency and size. And the flavor? Cream, butter, chicken, vegetables… it doesn’t even need spices!

Ingredients

1 c potatoes, chopped
1 c chopped onions
1 c celery, chopped
1 c chopped carrots
I increased the carrots by 1/2-3/4c - Benjamin LOVES carrots.)
1/3 c butter
1/2 c flour
2 c chicken broth
(I used the broth I made from my crock pot chicken, it was VERY well seasoned…)
1 c half and half
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
4 c chopped cooked chicken
2 pie crusts (I used the crusts from this recipe, minus the milk and sugar coating at the end.)

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
2. Saute onion, celery, carrots, and potatoes in butter for 10 minutes.
3. Add flour to sauteed mixture, stirring well. Cook one minute stirring constantly.
4. Combine broth and half and half and gradually stir into vegetable mixture.
5. Cook over medium heat stirring constantly until thickened and bubbly.
6. Stir in salt and pepper; add chicken and stir well.
7. Place one pie crust in the bottom of a shallow 2 qt casserole dish, pour mixture in, and top with remaining pie crust. Seal edges like you would with an apple pie (I ended up not having much wiggle room and was in a hurry, so I used a fork to seal. It was decorative!).
8. Cut slits in top crust to allow steam to escape.
9. Bake for 40-50 minutes or until pastry is golden brown and filling is bubbly and cooked through.

I think the reason this new recipe went so well for me is because it was very similar to the tuna noodle casserole I make: chop, saute, add flour/milk/broth/what-have-you, stir until thick and bubbly. And, of course, I’ve made enough pies to know what I’m doing with a crust, as well.

So, bottom line, the more you cook and stretch your boundaries, the more you can surprise yourself with yummy successes in the kitchen!

What recipe do you want to share with us today? Make sure you tell us the recipe title in Mr. Linky, and please link to your recipe post, not your blog’s homepage. Thanks for sharing!

Filed under: Recipe Swap '08 on July 3rd, 2008 | 11 Comments »

Clean out your couch!

(Reminiscent of the “Bring out your dead!”, Monte Python-style.)

I actually DO clean out the couch cushions at least on a monthly basis. So keep that in mind when you behold the following:

That’s right, we’ve got

• one foam bath toy (the road sign)
• one letter B
• one crayon
• one pencil
• one headband
• one Lego man
• one Mommy Peoples (Olivia’s name for her)
• one play fork
• two play spoons
• one Chinese exercise ball
• two coasters
• two pretzels

And not a coin to be seen. So much for any earthly reward…

(Cuz I know this earns me a crown in heaven. Just know it.)

What’s in YOUR couch?

Filed under: The Ramblings on July 2nd, 2008 | 6 Comments »